Make It Happen

I saw Mariah Carey on Thursday night at the Verizon Center. She was awesome. Her voice sounded beautiful and she hit all those "so high only dogs can hear them" notes. One more diva I can cross of my list. Now, if only Kylie would plan even a few tour dates in the US. Speaking of, BBCAmerica aired her Showgirl concert and also an interview special from this summer discussing her cancer. She looked really great and I'm glad that she recovered. Watching her discuss her treatments reminded me of how thankfully I am that I never had to go through chemo or radiation.

I should probably apologize now for the random directions this blog is about to head into. I just have had a couple things in my head that I need to get out. First, please for the love of God, stop trying to force me to find someone. I don't know why, but this week my single status has come up in conversation. A lot. Do I want to be in a relationship? Yes. Am I a little jealous of the relationships my best friends all have? Yes, a little. But, I know that if/when it happens it will be right for me. When I am ready. Let me repeat that, when I am ready.

For future reference, picking out some random guy in the bar that you think is perfect for me is not acceptable behavior. All you have done is make me feel like some cow you are trying to sell at market, and to the guy you are introducing me to, I seem pathetic. Thanks. I don't understand why I can't go out with my friends and just have a good time without someone, one well-intentioned person in particular, trying to find me a man.

Now, a completely different topic. We all remember Chester, right? Great. So, since that fateful night in May, we chat over company email from time to time. It is always basic and almost only about music. I make sure to not open up too much about my personal life, other than the standard "I had a great weekend. How was yours" bullshit. That all suddenly changed this week.
We have been chatting back and forth about some of the new music that is coming out (the new Justin Timberlake in particular. Can't wait for his album to drop on Tuesday). Out of the blue, Chester starts telling me all about how he ran into some ex the other day and about this crazy girl who has been stalking him over email. I read it all and then had to close the email. With that one email, he had suddenly taken me back two years. I was sitting there reading all his issues with women, trying to help him, secretly wishing that he would love me instead. Not gonna lie, I kinda had a little mental freak-out.

I waited a few hours and then wrote him back. Completely ignoring the huge paragraph about his relationship woes. He wrote me back the next day, AGAIN talking about women blah blah. I sat on that email for a couple hours, pondering how to proceed. Obviously, he was looking for some kind of comment from me.

I decided that ignoring it wouldn't work, so I tackled it head on. I wrote him back with a couple quips about his shitty love-life etc. Then I told him that it was really strange and a bit much for him to be talking to me about that shit. We only started talking again recently and I am totally not prepared for that kind of friendship with him. I let him know that I thought it was great that he feels he can open up to me, but to definitely not expect the same from me. There is no way in hell I'm ever letting him in close enough to hurt me again. Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.

He wrote me back and apologized for bringing all of that up to me. He said that he even thought that it might be too much, but he hates just having surface talks with people. The sad thing is, part of me still does want to open up to him again. For as fucked up as I KNOW he is, he was a great person to talk to. I can't go back to that place with him again though. And I won't.

I guess this is what I get for trying to be the bigger person and put the past behind us. Told you this post was going to be all over the place.