Take control

Another long stretch of time between this and my past update. Its not that I haven't had things to say, I just haven't had the motivation to put them up here. Well, today I have the motivation. Boy do I ever have the motivation. Hope you are ready for a long post. I'll try to keep it light and entertaining though.

My job is killing me. Slowly but surely, I'm positive it is sucking the life right out of me. But, I am FINALLY taking steps in the right direction to change this.

Last week I was in a training class for three days on project management. I went into the class dreading it, certain that it was going to be extremely dry and boring. Miracle of miracles though, it wasn't boring. In fact, I was attentive and interested in the class for the entire three days. I realized that not only was project management interesting to me, I was good at doing it.

So, I've looked into it and found a school in the city that offers a reputable Masters program in Project Management. I'm going tonight to an information session on the program, and will hopefully start the process to get back to school. It is going to take a little time, but it will all be worth it in the end. Hopefully, I will one day have a job in project management, a job that doesn't put me to sleep every day, or make me leave the office ready to punch a hole in a wall because I was forced to take customer phone calls all afternoon.

That is only the beginning of the recent "Take Back My Life Campaign 06". I also joined a local gym a few weeks ago. I joined a gym that a few of the other girls already attend, partially in the hopes that they will be extra motivation for me to go regularly. Last week I went three times. That is huge for me. Of course, this week I've found excuses to get out of going. My only saving grace is that I have three sessions with a personal trainer to schedule. I'll feel much better about going to the gym after I meet with someone who can show me exactly how to achieve the goals I've set for myself.

I know it isn't going to happen overnight, but I already feel better about myself for just having started back at the gym. On top of "TBMLC'06", I somehow found myself on two dates with two different men in the last week. The first "date", and I use the word in the broadest sense of the term, was not to be a date at all. At least I didn't think so. After chatting online for a few days, we decided to meet up one evening to, ah well, "exchange pleasantries" as it were.

At the appropriate time, I showed up at his place, was invited in and offered a drink. So far so good. He excused himself to shower as he had returned from running some errands. No big deal. He then returned the living room and we sat on the couch and started chatting. For the next hour and a half. OK, I am not saying that he should have dropped to his knees immediately after opening the door, but come on. Not once in our chats did we have anything approaching actual conversation. At least I pray to God that he doesn't consider "woof" and "grrrr" to be conversation pieces.

The conversation itself didn't even bother me. At first. We discussed the typical things in the first ten minutes. Then things got weird. He pointed out all of his relatives in the pictures on his coffee table. Ok, sweet but unnecessary. Wait, I'm sorry. Did you say sons? And that was followed by grandson??? Uh, OK. I suppose I should mention that he is only 42 before anyone assume that I'm pulling an Anna Nicole. He mentioned an ex, then quickly backed up to clarify that by ex he meant former. Former because his partner was killed in the line of duty a year ago. Awesome. There went any remaining arousal I had.

From there the conversation only went down-hill and got progressively weird. Fine examples of this include the existential question lightning round and telling me that a palm reader said he will have two more kids while looking at me as if his stare would impregnate me like the Virgin Mary in Renaissance paintings. Umm, can we say too much??? Yes, exactly my thoughts.

As I was sitting there trying to think of an excuse to leave, hoping that ANYONE would call my phone (Hello? AT&T? Why yes, I AM interested in hearing about your long distance plans), I was saved by the bell. His daughter called to let him know she was on her way over with his grandson. Oops, too bad. Looks like I need to leave. Immediately. Needless to say I have not spoken to this man since.

The other person I met seemed decent enough. We chatted online one Friday evening, and everything was completely g-rated and non-sexual. We continued to chat for a few more nights before we progressed to nightly phone calls.

After a few nights of talking on the phone, we agreed to meet in person. We decided to get together Saturday afternoon. I let him decide on the activity. He chose to go apple/pumpkin picking out at a farm in Front Royal, VA. I had to give him points for originality. We had over an hour in the car to chat and get to know each other better.

The apple picking itself was more fun than I thought. When we've done it at my parents, we just always are picking up the apples off the ground. At this farm we got this long pole with a basket-type thing at the top. After a few tries, I was already and expert. You can take the boy out of the country, but apparently can't take the country out of the boy.

After we left the farm, we decided to head to a nearby winery for a wine sampling and made a light dinner. Funniest part of this is that he gave up drinking months ago, for weight-loss. Yeah, I had him splitting a bottle of wine with me less than a half an hour after we got there. I never said that I was a good influence!

We left the winery and headed back to the highway. We stopped at a cute little country restaurant for some down-home cooking. The drive back was so miserable. We were both tired and full from dinner and the wine. All either of us wanted was a nap!

By the time we got back to the city, I knew that it wouldn't be happening with he and I. I had a great time and all, but I just didn't feel any kind of spark. I helped him carry all his purchases up to his apartment and then said good night. I think he was planning to have me hang out there longer, but I didn't want to mislead him.

We have been playing phone tag ever since. This is the part of dating I really can't stand. Here is this really sweet guy, who came up with a totally original first date, and I have to tell him I am just not interested.

This is why I don't date. It always ends up with someone being hurt. Even if it is just a little, it isn't fun for anyone. I know, you can't have a rose without the thorns, blah blah, cliché.

One day I'll meet someone worth opening up to. One day I'll drop my defenses and allow someone access to all of me. Until that time, I'll continue living my life for me and trying to be the best friend/brother/son/student I can be.