deja vu

This past Tuesday was my first night staying out in Rockville with Jamie. Let me tell you, after being a bag lady ("bag laaady, you gon hurt yo back") for the last two months there is nothing like sleeping in your own king-size bed. I have slept like a baby this entire week. So, its Tuesday night and Jamie and I are all alone in a gi-normous house in Rockville. What to do?

Well, we started by making rum and cokes. With Bacardi 151. Can you see where this story is going? Then we headed down to D.I.K. Bar for some of that hot karaoke with Gladys. Our girls met us out, there were shots, there were mixed drinks. To say that we were drunk is an understatement. I believe a few fellow bloggers witnessed the chaos that is Jamie in Dupont on a Tuesday night a few weeks ago.

So, I'm standing at the bar in D.I.K. when I turn around and spy none other than Food Court. Awesome. Love it. What did I do? Well, after all the booze I'd consumed I thought it a brilliant idea to go say hello. The gods were with me that night because not only did I manage to pull of tipsy (as opposed to the shit-faced I actually was), I also pulled off an attitude of being nonchalant and happiness that I can never pull off in the face of a former "luvah". We chatted for a few moments, agreed that we would meet up soon for me to get my fucking Christina concert DVD back (yeah, I'll need that, especially with a new album dropping next month) and then I was off again.

It was so satisfying to act like that month of waiting by the phone for his calls meant nothing to me. Of course, after all this, I had a drunk mental breakdown and ran outside to call my best girl in the world. After getting boy-drama calls from her for a year while she was in Greece, turn-about is fair play. She pulled me together and I was right back inside for another drink. Because clearly that was what I needed.

Quick aside, obvi this week was a week of ex-luvahs. At the Nation closing party on Saturday night I ran into Peanut Butter from January 05. I'm pretty sure he was fucked up on something, but he did confess to missing me and wanting to get together again. Meh, we'll see. It is nice to hear things like that, especially when you are fucked up as well.

After leaving D.I.K. Bar, Jamie and I were off to Cobalt for some 80s. I remember being there for a bit and talking to my friend who works there. I believe I danced for a song or two. Suddenly, the bar is closing and I'm being pushed out the door. I found Jamie standing outstide and we got in the car. Not more than one block from Cobalt and Jamie is already throwing up out of the car. We switched places and i was left with the task of getting us home to Rockville.

Yes, it was probably one of the dumbest things I' ve done in a while. Everything was going fine, until we got to 270 and I couldn't remember Jamie's exit. I had to call and wake our girl Diane up for that info. I thought I'd be fine the rest of the way. Only I didn't count on every fucking housing development looking the same once we were off the highway. After about twenty wrong turns I finally got us home at 3:30 AM.

The next morning, when I finally got up at 10 AM, I found Jamie passed out in the basement den on a massage table. He was wearing a shirt and nothing else. Words really can't paint an adequate picture of that morning site. I think I finally made it to work around 11:30. God, am I a stellar employee or what? Thankfully, the rest of my stay out here in Rockville hasn't been nearly as exciting.

I do think that my days as a bag-lady are drawing to a close. There is a 99.9% chance that I am FINALLY moving into a place of my own next weekend, the 29th. Thank God! No more waking up at 5:30 to be at work at 7:30. No more hour and a half commute. I'm really excited to be living on my own again.

Afraid

This post has been on my mind all week. I actually woke up in the middle of the night early this week with the foundations of this in mind.

It is almost surreal to be living with my family again. Especially since my little sister is living at home now too. I am back in my old room. A room I haven’t slept in since I went away to college. It is a big adjustment, especially since half of Lindsey’s crap from college is sitting in my room. All the pills of stuff, mine and Lindsey’s, make it impossible for me to feel settled.
Last night was a huge accomplishment for me. I actually folded all of my laundry and laid it out in organized piles on the spare bed. For a neat-freak, bordering on OCD, person like me this was huge.

Every night, I try to read at least a couple pages of a book before I fall asleep. Quick aside, I’m reading "Possible Side Effects" by Augusten Burroughs right now and it is awesome. After twenty or thirty minutes reading, I can usually pass out.

That is, until recently. I don’t know what it is about being in my old room, but I will start to fall asleep and then wake up completely after about 15 minutes. I’ll hear some strange sound and automatically assume someone is in the room with me. Of course, my heart is pounding and I’m frozen trying to hear the noise again, terrified that someone snuck into our house and into my room. Then I realize that I am crazier thank Whitney after a lesbian crack binge.

Even odder are the times when I wake up out of sleep because my leg twitched. I don’t mean a little twitch, I’m talking major jimmy leg. It is the strangest thing. I guess part of it is all that I’ve had on my mind lately. While trying to find a place to live, I’m still looking for a new job. It is so hard for me to stop thinking and just drift off to sleep. Thankfully, the apartment hunt may be over as early as next week.

More frightening than the nightmares I’ve had recently is what I realized driving home from work yesterday. I don’t’ know why, but it suddenly hit me just how terrified I am of any sort of emotional attachment to someone. I’m sure that just about everyone has had this feeling before. But, I think it is more serious than the usual, "I haven’t dated seriously in a while" feeling of emotional detachment. I can’t put it adequately into words, but it definitely remains in the back of my head.

Maybe I need to take a Rivers Cuomo or Paris Hilton vow of celibacy. Yes, I’ll stay celibate for exactly as long as Paris does. By that standard, I should be good for sex again before this blog even finishes posting.

On top of all that, World War III is seriously breaking out in the Middle East. Every night I listen to the news and become more and more concerned about the state of the world right now. Iran working to get nukes; North Korea preparing to launch them; Israel fighting wars on two of
its borders; and a "liberated" Iraq that is a bloodier mess than before we invaded.

Thank God this wasn’t a deep, heavy, over-drawn posting right??? Sorry to those of you still reading. I’ve been sitting on some of these thoughts for two weeks now and I just had to get them out.

Hear Me

Sorry for the absence lately. This two hour commute, each way!, is kicking my ass. I leave the house at 6 AM and don’t get home until 6:30 – 7 PM each day! Talk about motivation to get my ass in gear and find a place! Hopefully, that will all be resolved in the coming week.

Last Thursday I joined some friends to head out to Nissan to see Kelly Clarkson. First, let me start by saying that I HATE Nissan Pavilion. Fuck you Nissan Pavilion! I think that place should be bombed and never opened again. Just the simple act of getting to the venue and leaving from there is one of the most hellish experiences ever.

Having said all that, I put aside my hatred for the chance to see Kelly. I missed her last time she came through DC, so I really wanted to see her this time. The opening band was Rooney, whose name I have heard, but am not at all familiar with their music. They were OK, but the sound system was all fucked up and the band was ten times louder than the lead singer. I couldn’t understand a single thing he was singing.

Finally, it was time for Kelly to come on stage. She opened the show with "Addicted" off the Breakaway album. Once again, the sound was all fucked up and the band was louder than her. It stayed this way through her entire show. I don’t know if it was Nissan or her sound people, but I was not happy about that.

When I could hear her, she sounded amazing. I’m a little ashamed to be typing this, but when she sang "Beautiful Disaster" I had tears in my eyes. Her voice is just so beautiful, when you can hear it. Overall, I thought the concert was OK. I think the tickets were a little over-priced for the length of the show. When she comes through the area again, I won’t be seeing her at Nissan. Or any other artist. I really wish I had seen Kelly at Constitution Hall.

I do want to defend Kelly for a moment though from some of the criticisms my friends were throwing after the show. First of all bitches, Kelly does not equal Madonna. I get it, you had amazing seats at the show and you loved it. Fine. Get past it. Kelly was a waitress in Texas five years ago. Madonna has been doing this for damn near 25 years. I expect a hell of a lot more from someone like Madonna (especially when she feels it necessary to charge over $100 for nose bleed seats) than I do a newer artist like Kelly.

Secondly, if you haven’t listened through both of her albums, don’t complain when you don’t recognize all the songs. She only played three new songs in her whole set. All the rest were off her two albums. Don’t expect her to play only the six songs that have gotten radio play. Yes, you sure did recognize each Madonna song. As well you should when you say she is your favorite. Don’t fault the artist when you haven’t taken the time to familiarize yourself with her source material before the show.

Sorry, I just had to say those things and stick up for someone who is insanely talented (vocally anyway) and still growing as an artist.