doesn't really matter

Today I told myself I wanted to post a blog, but I didn't want it to be all serious and depressing. Oops! This afternoon I have my first appointment with a cardiologist here in town. You probably find yourself saying, Bernie you are only 26, why do you need to see a cardiologist? Well, read the below excerpt from an email from my mother about my family history.

"My father's father died at age 54 of heart attack.

My father died at age 56 - heart attack.

My father's sister's son died at age 50 - heart attack and another sister's son had a massive coronary last year in his early 60's.

My brother died at 41 - heart attack. First attack at age 32

John, his son, had his first attack at 27 and quadruple bypass at age 36.

My sister's son had a massive heart attack at age 33, followed by quadruple bypass.

Your father's grandfather died from heart attack and your grandfather died at age 73 of heart attack."

Will I have a heart attack? Why yes indeed I will! It is basically only a matter of time, and this will probably happen sooner rather than later. But, I am doing what I can to prevent this from happening. Hence me going to see a cardiologist today. She will tell me to lose weight, which I already know and have been trying to do. It sucks and I am not good at dieting, but I'm really trying. I would love nothing more than to have a nice flat stomach and perfect chest. I doubt it will happen, but 15 - 20 pounds lighter would be nice.

Today is one of those days when I really wish I could go back to being a kid and not have to worry about all this adult crap. But then I think about how much I want a family of my own, and realize that I need to deal with all of this now so that I can be a good father down the road. I want my kids to come home one weekend and be embarrassed by hearing stories about how my spouse was feeling frisky, which coincidentally happened to me with my parents this weekend. I love that my parents are still in love, but I don't need to hear about how Mom was going to surprise Dad by walking into the house topless!

One day I'll be that parent, up half the night worrying about how my kids are doing. Unless I have a massive heart attack at 29, or get hit by a bus tomorrow walking to work. There is no point in worrying about what might or might not happen. Doesn't really matter how much I worry. What will be, will be. This is what gets me through going to see a cardiologist at age 26. Wish me luck!