you'll never stand alone

Last night I headed out to Rockville for Jamie and Rodolfo's Halloween party. Once again, I showed up late so by the time I got there things were in full swing. Let me set the stage for a moment. Rodolfo lives in a beautiful five bedroom house and decided to turn the basement into the main party area. He rented a dance floor and hired a DJ, spent hundreds of dollars on liquor and hired a bartender. This was a recipe for disaster from the get-go.

Dianez picked me up from the metro and we drove over. We walked in and immediately went downstairs to the sounds of Vogue pumping through he speakers. There they were. Jamie, Matt and AJ, all three of them getting their lives and dolling out on the floor like it was their J-O-B. All I could do was watch and laugh. After that little performance I headed back upstairs to the bartender for the first Long Island of the night.

Best part of the party? All of Rodolfo's friends I met months ago who could not stop raving about how great I looked and how much weight I have lost. I don't even think that I have lost all that much or that I look drastically different, but I am not going to argue!

The Dj was really cool and willing to take any request. I scolded Jamie on the fact that I hadn't heard any Janet for the night and that was immediately corrected. "Together Again" and "All For You" later and I am pretty sure that the dance floor was en fuego. I also tore it up when I got the DJ to play Madonna's new sung "Hung Up". Dancing to it with the girls, I couldn't help but think that queens are really going to go ape shit over this song. I can't wait for the remixes.

At some point in the evening, Jamie pulled me aside to chat for a minute. He wanted to thank me for coming up to Hagerstown Tuesday evening for his grandmother's viewing. She passed away last Sunday after a long battle with cancer. I know that this has been very hard on Jamie since his grandmother was such a huge influence on and friend to him. He was saying it really meant a lot to him because he knows that I constantly have things going on in my life. I told him that I will always put my life on hold for him any time he needs me.

This really got me thinking about how lucky I am to have the friends that I have. I know that my bitches would be there at the drop of a hat if I needed them. And that does not even include Jamie. I feel so blessed to have known him all these years and am forever indebted to him for making into who I am today. I think Whitney said it best, "you'll never stand alone, I'll be standing by. I'll keep you from the cold, I'll hold you when you cry. I'll be there to be strong when you can't find the strength inside".

got til it's gone

I'm finally back. I know that I was gone for a minute, but I really just needed to detach myself from everything. After the shenanigans of the weekend, I think that I can safely say that I am back in full force now.

Friday night I made plans to meet up with Jim and Diddle at Titan for the bear happy hour. In typical Bernie fashion, I arrived late, or on GCPT however you want to see it. I had one beer with them and checked out the crowd of bears. There were definitely a couple hot men there. I'll be going back again sometime.

From there, I parted ways with Jim and Diddle to go meet Leslie and John at Lauriol Plaza. I think that this was the point of no return for me. While we were all hanging out at the bar at Lauriol, I had the infamous Lauriol Sampler (aka margarita, mojito and sangria). I was definitely buzzed when I left them.

They headed off to Adams Morgan and I decided to pop into JR's for a night cap. Who was I kidding? No one goes to JR's for just one drink. I immediately headed upstairs for the restroom and when I came out the first people I saw were the black girls. I should have known I was done for! After a couple drinks and a couple shots with Richard and Matt, I was drunk. Not sloppy drunk, yet, just drunk enough for me to act up and not care.

There was a guy that I spotted earlier in the night and I couldn't stop staring at him. Eventually, I'd had enough alcohol for me to go over and talk to him. We talked for a bit and then he asked me to join him at Cobalt. I agreed and we were off. On the way over he told me he wasn't into one night stands and if that is what I was after I should probably go talk to someone else. I lied and said that was cool. Even though I was now drunk and horny.

We went to Cobalt and split up, so that we could each talk to friends we ran into there. I think I had one or two more drinks and then I knew that I was done. This is when my alter ego, Grace Jones, showed up for the first time since July. I can only imagine how pretty I must have looked stumbling down 17th St looking for a cab.

Fast forward and I am waking up on the bathroom floor, with Alex gently shaking me. Oh yeah, passed out on the floor and if that weren't good enough I apparently missed the toilet some when I was throwing up. Nope, don't remember that at all. Nor do I remember calling Manny & Olga's to order a sub and fries. Thank God Alex heard the door. Not that I was in any condition to eat at that point.

I crawled into bed and did not get out of it until 2 the next afternoon. I woke up once around 10:30 and I thought that my head was going to explode. Ahh, hangover, there you are old friend! Oh how I have missed you! Not really, but it was such a fun night and I am glad that I got that first drunk night out of my system.

All I can say now though is that everyone had better watch out during Birthday Extravaganza in a couple weeks. Things are going to be out of control crazy. Even though Friday night was a blast, I couldn't help but think how much better it would have been if I'd had my girls there with me. "Like Joni says, Don't it always seem to go . . . . "

take a chance on me

"If you change your mind, I'm the first in line. Honey, I'm still free. Take a chance on me"

I feel like a million thoughts have been going through my mind lately. First, where the fuck am I going to live come November 1? I suppose I can stay in my current apartment, or in worst case scenario move home (suppresses shudder). Secondly, when will I find a new job? Thirdly, am I really becoming a bear? Because I am pretty sure that I started my hibernation this weekend if so.

One thing that has been in the back of mind for months is what, if anything, will ever happen between Tipple B and I. We haven't dated in over three years now, even though, there has been this little part of me that always felt like we might get back together one day. I never had any set time-table for if/when this might happened, just that one day it may.

While I was out in Chicago, I had one morning to myself to wander the city and think some things out. One thing that kept coming to my mind was Triple B. No matter how much I tried to push it out of mind, it kept popping back up. Then last night, I think I'd finally had enough. As we had our normal Sunday night "how was your weekend" chat, things got a touch flirty. It was at this point that I decided I couldn't handle the what ifs and maybes any more.

When I got to work this morning, I started composing an email to him just to let him know what has been running through my mind and to see where he stands. It took me almost two hours, and multiple chats with friends over what to say. Finally, I said fuck it and sent the email. Then, because I am the most impatient person on earth, I went running so that I wouldn't sit staring at my Inbox, waiting for a response.

Low and behold, Triple B amazed me and actually called me to talk instead of just an email. Who knows what is going to happen from here, but we have tentative plans to meet for dinner and talk about all this in person. At least this will hopefully be one less then hanging in the balance when I try to sleep at night.

"I can't sleep at night, when you are on my mind."

r&b junkie

So it is a full-on club up in my cubicle on the 9th floor right now. Clapping, snapping, feet stomping, dancing, dropping it till I'm taking it low (drop it, drop it). This is what happens when I make a playlist of all my Janet favorites.

Chicago

This past weekend was absolutely everything that I needed in my life right now. It was so great to get away from everything for a few days of fun. I left work after lunch on Thursday and jumped on MARC for my flight out of BWI. I got to the airport more than two hours early, so I sat in the terminal on the phone with anyone that would entertain me. Thankfully, our plane was boarded early so I didn't have quite as long to sit.

A short two hour flight later and we were preparing to land. I found my way out of Midway to the train. After a moment of looking like a lost and confused tourist, I figured out the transit system and jumped on the appropriate train into the city. I called the hotel before our plane took off, so I knew exactly which stop at which to exit.

I got off at Grand and wandered around for a couple blocks, until I found a street map. Somehow I had managed to come out of the train and head in exactly the right direction. I found the hotel (Holiday Inn Chicago City Center for those interested) and went up to the room. At this point I was starving, so I decided to head out and find something to eat. I ended up on the Magnificent Mile and found something quick to take back to the room. After all, the OC was coming on and I had to see it. (Quick side note: this season has been very disappointing so far. Too much of it has been completely predictable. Not that I ask for a lot of high drama and suspense from the OC, but I don't expect this!!!).

Nick called once OC ended and said he was on his way home and that I should be ready to go out to Boys Town when he got to the hotel. I jumped in the shower and picked out my 'cute little outfit' (shout-out to L.I. Nik) and was ALMOST ready when Nick got home. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor were my stunning good looks. Hehehe. Nick got ready and called his college friend Dan to see if he would be joining us. Dan of course pussied out, saying blah blah it is already 9 and I have to work tomorrow, blah blah.

Since Dan wasn't joining us, Nick got online and found a couple bars for us to check out. We jumped in a cab and headed off for Boys Town. The first bar we stopped in was Cocktails. The reason I wanted to go was the sign promising $9 pitchers of vodka drinks. Excuse me. You obviously have never met the DC Mean Girls and do not understand how we love cheap vodka. When we got inside, we were treated with a very special bonus surprise. Gogo dancers.

I am never one to shy away from a naked or nearly naked man. However, strip clubs and the like make me a little bit uncomfortable. I feel dirty for watching them, even though I know that is what they are there for. The big dilemma is that I can't do all the filthy things to them that I want to do. Basically I see it as one big long cock tease without even being able to bring yourself off at the end. Regardless, we decided to stay for one pitcher.

The bar itself was tiny, no bigger than DIK Bar, and the stage was actually just a raised box in the back of the bar. The dancer on stage when we arrived was some Latin man. Not bad looking, but didn't get my blood boiling. Nick and I settled into our first drinks and sat back to watch the entertainment unfold. Little did we know what we were about to experience.

The next dancer up looked so much like a celebrity, but I couldn't figure out who. He was dirty blonde with hair to his shoulders, nice body, and slightly busted face. Then it hit me. He was a Poor Man's Kevin Sorbo, of TV's Conan the Barbarian. PMKS started his routine and Nick and I had to fight from laughing out loud. It was exactly that, a routine. He was doing Jazzercise on stage. And in between combos, smacking guys in the face with his cock. Lovely. As we looked around the room, we noticed more than one group of people laughing at his performance.

Once that pitcher was gone, we went across the street to Roscoe's. This place was similar to JR's in feel, only it was larger with a dance room in the back. It was there that they had a wet underwear contest. Nick and I hung around for a while, but by the time the show started, we couldn't see because so many people were crowded around the stage. Are the boys in Chicago that starved for dick??? I do not know. At some point in the evening though, we did see Shane, one of the gay guys from "Road Rules" and "Real World/Road Rules Challenge" 'fame'. He is still really cute, but has definitely gained weight.

We headed out of Roscoe's after a couple drinks, including a long island for me. Since I haven't drank at all in the last two months, I had to get my body ready for a full weekend of drinking. The next bar we went to was beside Cocktails, a bar called Sidetracks. This was a beautiful bar. It was the size or two JR's, maybe bigger, but newly renovated and completely modern looking. I really liked the space itself, but they were playing nothing but comedy clips. I love a good comedy bit, but a full night of them in a crowded bar is just more than I can handle. We didn't even stay long enough to get a drink there.

Back outside, we hailed a cab and headed back to our hotel. Nick still had a full day of work the next day and I had a full day of sight-seeing planned. Come Friday morning I woke up with the strangest sensation. My mouth was dry, my head was throbbing and I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. Oh, hangover old friend, how I have missed thee.

I stayed in bed way longer than I should have, while Nick finished his work for the day. That afternoon we hit the streets hard. We walked north down the Magnificent Mile towards the Lake. We got the Hancock Building and decided to head up to the observation deck for a view of the city. Wow. It is incredibly beautiful from up there. It seems like you can see for miles in each direction. I was amazed at how big the Lake is. Sure, I have seen maps of it and all, but until you see it in person, it is hard to picture how big it truly is.

We had a late lunch/early dinner downstairs in the Cheesecake Factory. I know, here we are in Chicago and we went to Cheesecake Factory. But, by this point neither of us had eaten anything all day and we were starving. It is good we ate there though because otherwise we wouldn't have met Demetris "Dee" Hawkins.

A group of four women was sat at the table across from us and Nick and I immediately started staring. First, one of the women was dressed head to toe in pink. No lie, from her shoes to her lipstick she was a vision of pink. The other women each had on some colorful numbers, but none could compare to my aunt's blonde hair piece in the back. The women all ordered this big pink drinks and we couldn't help but ask what they were drinking. This opened the door for a little friendly cross-table conversation. It was then that Dee thrusted her card on us, so that we could get all of her information in case we wanted any Mary Kay. Of course. I suppose we would have figured it out if we had watched them get out of the pink Cadillac that must have been parked near by.

After eating like the starved fat girls we are, Nick and I hit the streets again. This time we were off to the Levi's store to try on the Offender jeans. The store didn't have any to try, and we were more than disappointed. From there we went to the Virgin Megastore. Nick's friend Tyler called us while we were in the store. He met us at the store and then we headed off to Boys Town to find some of the new 2(x)ist Flash underwear.

Poor Tyler. Nothing says fun for a straight man like underwear shopping with two gay men. We ended up at the Universal Gear out there and found the underwear, but of course they were all out of our sizes! Damn you Chicago gays!!! After what was surely an eternity to Tyler, we arranged to meet up with the rest of Nick's friends from college.

I was then introduced to all of Nick's closest friends from college, Sam, Dan, Lisa and Shannon. I pulled my usual introspective quiet act while they all caught up. After everyone ate, the group headed back to Lisa's while we went back to the hotel to get ready for the night. We met back up at Duffy's for a couple beers. Duffy's was a decent sports bar, with some really good music playing. I was so tempted to head to the back and start dancing, but I knew we were leaving soon.

We left Duffy's and headed over to "The Apartment", another bar/club. True to its name, the bar is designed to look like you are in someone's apartment. There is a tub with a shower curtain that is actually a beer tub. There are lots of couches in one corner that is made to look like a den. There was even a bedroom that I assume is for VIPs. Why it wasn't opened for us, I'll never know.

Once we got in there, I was suddenly a man on a mission. That was mission was one of extreme drunkenness. I think I had two beers in my hands at all times that entire night. Funny thing was that I never got wasted. I was definitely buzzed, but never out of control. I'm sure Nick was quite thankful for that! We stayed at Apartment, drinking and dancing, until all the lights came on. I don't think I talked to anyone once we got in there because I was too busy dancing with Lisa and her roommate. It is nights like that that I remember why I used to have so much fun being with my straight friends all the time.

As we left the bar, Nick and I parted ways with the rest of the group, in hopes of finding a bar still open in Boys Town. Nothing was open, and after a near trip to Pegasus in Greek town, we headed back to the hotel. The next morning Nick headed off to his college fair and I slept in. God I love being on vacation. I finally did wake up though and got my shit together. I had a lot of the city I still wanted to see, before we headed out of Chicago that afternoon. I walked around much of the city that morning and saw a majority of the sites in the city. I have to say that I really love the city of Chicago. If it weren't for those horrendous winters, I could easily see myself living there.

By 1:30, I decided to head back to the center of the city. I ended my day at Navy Pier, taking in all the sites. Especially the young sailors in white. Sea men. Yum. Hehe. Anyway, I met up with Nick for the end of the college fair and helped him take everything to the car. We headed back to the hotel to get our bags and then it was off to West Lafayette for the Purdue-Notre Dame football game that night. More on that and the rest of the weekend to come!