7

7 Things I plan to do before I die:

Go sky diving
Earn a PhD in education
Travel to at least one new place every year of my life
See my future children graduate college
Appear as a contestant on the Amazing Race with my sister
Perform the "If" dance break-down flawlessly
Officially tell my father that I am gay

7 Things I can do:

Find a McDonalds in a new/foreign city (have had this ability since I was 4 y.o.)
Make a helmet cake
Speak, read and write in fluent Spanish
Play the trumpet
Tell you more than ever wanted to know about Tori Amos and Janet Jackson
Find the humor in any situation, even testicular cancer
Spend hours in an art gallery (just ask my sister)

7 Things I can't do:

Stay focused on "work"
Have just one or two drinks with the girls
Resist a man with chest hair and/or pleasure trails
Contemplate sex with a woman. Again.
Say no to Jamie.
Stay mad at my sisters, gay or biological.
Ever be satisfied with my appearance.

7 Things that attract me to men (or women if that's your thing):

Dark hair, blue eyes
Intelligence
Sarcasm and humor
A nice round ass
Shorter than me, stocky build
Chest hair (see above)
Big arms

7 Things I say most often:

Is that what's hot? Using up all your any time minutes?
That's hot
Obvi
Fuck me
Der
Look at the pot calling the kettle black
Get it bitch!

7 Celebrity crushes:

Jake Gyllenhaal (Do I really need to put six more down? Can't I just repeat his name six times?
Cillian Murphy
Colin Farrell
Ryan Reynolds
Matthew Fox
Ray Stevenson (Titus Pullo from HBO's Rome)
Russell Crowe

Good woman down

So, last night was completely out of control. I knew that it would be too. I met up with Chuck and Chris right after work and we headed off to JR's. After our first drink to ease into the night, Chris started up with his "Dave, this drink is too weak. I need something that will singe my nose hairs". And thus shenanigans made one of her final appearances for the year. Oh yes, I was out in my full glory.

I will now play the game that Chris loves to play, Fill in the Blanks.

- I remember leaving JR's to go to McDonald's
- I remember showing up at Green Lantern and refusing to take my shirt off
- I remember subsequently taking my shirt off, AFTER shirtless men drink free ended
- I remember making music requests and getting very excited when they were played
- I remember leaving the Lantern with two gentlemen and Chuck
- I remember falling flat on my face on S St., trying to give back attitude
- I remember going back to one gentleman's apartment where his friend and I made out on the couch, next to Chuck making out with the other dude

- I remember the guy telling me he has a boyfriend in NYC, and I remember telling him that I didn't care because the boyfriend wasn't there

- I remember finally leaving at 3 AM to head home, only to have to go back and steal Chuck's keys so that I could get my stuff out of his apartment.

Oh yes, I am such a classy bitch! Thank God we did nothing more than make out like a bunch of nervous 14 year olds. In the moment, I was pissed that dude wouldn't even give me a tug job. But, we can't always get what we want can we???

Jingle balls

This posting is long over due. The last two weeks has been kind of out of control, starting with Thursday, the 15th. That night, roomie and I met up after work and went to see King Kong. Un. Fucking. Believable. Go see this movie. I had my doubts how a three hour movie about an ape could be good, but it is amazing. There was an entire hour of the movie where I was pushed all the way back in my seat because the action was so intense. And I'll admit, I did shed a tear or two at the end. For an animated ape!!! Again, go see this freaking movie.

Friday morning, we woke up and got ready to leave for New York for the weekend. We had made plans to meet up with my friend Jamie and his boyfriend Rodolfo at metro. They happened to be going to NYC for the weekend as well, and offered to give us a ride up. When they pulled up in Rodolfo's E class Mercedes, we were treated to fine cheeses and crackers in the back seat, and Jamie mixing drinks for us from the front. We rode to New York in first class, just like fucking ladies!!

We showed up at roomie's NYC pad (aka the boyfriend's) and hung out for a couple hours, making plans for the evening. They tried to pull the wool over my eyes by taking us to a "hot, new restaurant" in the Meat Packing District. Nice try! Too bad I went to that restaurant LAST YEAR when it was the hotness!!! Hehe. We ended up at this cute Italian place, and I had the best lasagna I've had in ages.

We decided then to go out for just a couple drinks, with our friend Jimmy. We hit a couple bars and then decided to call it a night around 2. The next day I met up with Rob and did some serious damage to my bank account at the Barney's Co-Op. A new pair of Diesel's, two pairs of shoes and a shit-load of skin-care products later and we hit the streets. It was so great to spend the afternoon catching up with Rob.

We had some really deep conversations about love and life. During these conversations, Rob made a great point to me and I made a dramatic decision. You see, I completely hate my job. Don't get me wrong, I love the people I work with, I just don't enjoy the actual work. So, I have decided that I am going to quit this job some time next summer and go back to school full-time for my Masters. I am going to get a degree in Elementary Education and become a teacher. This, I think, will make me happy. Pretty big right?

After all of this, I jumped on a train out to Long Island for the party with my sister's pageant coaches. I had an absolute blast hanging out with them. I got RIDICULOUSLY drunk that night. I guess that the combination of no food, tequila, vodka and gin will do that. How drunk was I? So drunk that I grabbed a straight guy's dick at the end of the night. In my defense, dude was walking around the party with an obvious boner all night long. I made it my job to discuss said boner with just about everyone at the party, trying to figure out if he was having an adverse reaction to Viagra, wearing a cock-ring or just really excited to be there. God, sometimes I am so fucking classy. I think I finally passed out around 3 AM, in a love seat, fully dressed.

The next morning I woke up and headed back to the city to meet up with everyone for brunch. That of course turned into afternoon drinks at The Gym, then we were off to XL where I stayed until 8. Of course when I got back to meet up with roomie, I was drunk again. Let me tell you just how fun that bus ride back to DC was all drunk!

Thankfully, things calmed down the next week. Until Jamie took me out for drinks the Thursday before Christmas. I'm sure I smelled like tequila when I was on the metro out to meet my parents later that evening. The holidays were really good this year. I spent most of my time at my parents house, working on a rocking elephant for my friend Gaby's nephew, Nate. Yes, my butch-ness has entered a whole new level. I started out with some blocks of wood and plywood, this became a totally adorable gray elephant on rockers with a seat and a bushy tail! For you non-believers, I have pictures that I will post as soon as I get them from my dad. The elephant was a big success with everyone at Gaby's.

I finally got back to the city on Monday evening. I spent that night setting up the apartment with all the new things I got for Christmas, including the leather chair and ottoman. Thanks Mom and Dad! This week has actually been nice, but odd. Roomie has been back home with his family, so I've had the place to myself. I haven't had a place to myself for longer than a few hours since I left my efficiency last summer. It has been great, but taken a little time to adjust. Roomie come home already!!! ;)

The Morning After

Last night was the JR's Christmas party. All my girls were there and we definitely made up for not hanging out, all of us together, in the last few months. Two hours of open bar plus the four of us (actually, now five with the welcome addition of Brian) are all well on our way to drunk.

One of the first things we did was to go upstairs to have our family photo taken with Mr. & Mrs. Claus. It was a beautiful photo, and I promise to post it here as soon as I get it scanned. The rest of the night was spent fighting the crowd, socializing with all our many friends, and consuming as much free booze as possible. Mission accomplished!

By the end of the night, I definitely do not remember leaving. I do remember running into Andrea, my hairdresser, at 7-11 though. I also remember apologizing for not calling her friend back after our second date. She too was drunk, and told me not to worry about it. We then started hugging in the middle of 7-11, professing our love for each other. Classic.

My other favorite memory of the night is when Big Ken told Nick that he probably wouldn't like The Mill, it would be too ethnic for him. When Nick then told Ken that I have been there, Ken replied, of course she has, she is black. Love it. Even my little sister has been told multiple times that she must be part black. There must have been something in the water when my mom was growing up in SE DC. Hehe.

Oh, also two of us girls apparently tried to Dr. Phil another sister, eyes half closed, talking over each other, swaying back and forth. Classy. Nothing like a counseling session after a night of drinking. Just know that it was all said with love and the best intentions Poodle! All in all, it was a great night out.

Today, on the other hand, I definitely want to die. I woke up at 6 this morning because there was a midget jack-hammering inside my skull. I then had to get up every twenty minutes for another glass of water until I finally got out of bed at 8:30. Oh yeah, technically, I am supposed to be at work at 8:30. Well, today it was almost 10 before I got here. Oh well. Thank God my boss is out today. There is no way I am going to get anything work related done today. All I want to do is climb back into my bed. How in the hell was I able to do this four or five nights a week??? OMG, I am getting old. Someone shoot me before I start rushing home to watch reruns of Matlock.

Crazy for you

News flash: At 5:15 PM Monday December 12, 2005 my new baby arrived. Oh yes, she is sleek, petite, black and the cutest thing ever. That's right, my new 60 gig video iPod is here!!! Words cannot even begin to describe how happy I am right now.

Since I picked it up from FedEx Monday evening, I've done NOTHING at work but upload music onto it. Somehow, I had 11 gigs of music on my work computer. Oops. Thank God Baby Bernoncé arrived when she did. IT was installing some new programs on my computer Monday night and my hard drive was practically full with music. I was able to copy most of it over to my iPod and delete it off.

The first night, I bought about ten videos off of iTunes and then spent an hour laying in bed watching them all. The picture is incredible. Every time I turn it on, I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside. ;)

For the longest time, I fought against getting an iPod. My first mp3 player was by Archos. Looking back, that thing was like the early PCs in the 80s: big, bulky, unattractive and a tiny screen with no pictures. My next step was the iRiver 20 gig. I loved that little boy. The best part about it was that it had a remote, so I could keep the device in my bag, and just navigate using the remote. Sadly, I was an idiot and killed that one this summer. I seriously had a breakdown when I realized what I had done.

I broke the iRiver on a Saturday and on Monday went out to buy the iPod Shuffle. I was planning on getting one just for working out anyway. But, I had to get something to hold me over until I could buy a new full-sized unit. My shuffle has been very good to me and was a good way to ease me into the world of Apple products.

By the time Apple unveiled the video iPod, I was pretty certain that I was going to get one. I did some comparative research and Apple was basically the only company offering an mp3 player larger than 20 gig. Since I had almost filled my 20 gig iRiver, I knew that my next player had to be substantially bigger.

I don't regret my decision at all. Baby Bernoncé is making me so incredibly happy. I can almost tolerate being on the 80 every day now!! Oh, and should anyone try to rob my iPod from me on metro, they are going to be in for a surprise. This bitch is going to fight back with a fury they have never seen. I may not look tough, but you'd be amazed what I am capable of with just a little anger. Don't mess with me and my music!!!

mine again???

Today I went out to my parents house for the night, to do some Christmas shopping, finish refurbishing the dining room chairs, and start building two rocking horses for Isabel and Nate (two 1 year olds of Baltimore friends Jeff & Quinn and Mikey & Michelle). God I am so butch sometimes that I even surprise myself. Hehe. So as I rode out to Shady Grove on metro, I finished reading "The Rules Of Attraction" by Bret Easton Ellis. Overall, a good book, completely fucked-up but good. One part really stood out to me though.

"PAUL . . . It's so nauseating that you are about to get up and leave, sit somewhere else. What's even more nauseating is that you don't. You stay because Steve is hot. And this depresses you, makes you think, will you always be the quintessential faggot? Will you only pant after the blond-tan-good-body-stupid-goons? And will you always ignore the smart, caring, sensitive type, who might be four-foot-three and have acne on his back but who is still, essentially, bright?"

For some reason, this whole passage really jumped off the page at me. After I read this, I had to stop reading for just a minute and think back on my life. How many people had I brushed off, given the cold shoulder, only because I was secretly hopping that the hotter guy across the room would notice me? Had I passed over some amazing people just because their appearance wasn't Abercrombie perfect? Even more so, how many people had passed me by, just because you can't shred cheese off my stomach?

God, what great thoughts for a Saturday night. Wait, why aren't you at Nation for white party, you ask? Well, I have 'representation' there tonight in the form of Tara, Reid and Paris. You bitches know who you are. Divas to the dance floor please! Trust me, the last thing any tweaked out twink would want to see tonight is me in all white. Whose making smores, because there is a marshmallow in the corner. Hehe.

It was really nice to spend the evening with the fam though. All six of us sat down to dinner together and then put up the Christmas tree. With all of us technically out of the house now, I know that it means a lot to my parents when we are all home. Tomorrow I'll probably spend the day working in the wood shop with my dad. Maybe after that we will watch the Redskins game. I doubt it, only because they will want to get me back to the city before night falls.

My entire weekend has not been spent being the butch farm boy my father hoped I'd be. Last night Triple B came over for dinner and a movie. I told him to be at my place at 8, so in typical TB fashion he showed up at 7:55. And I, in typical fashion, was still in the shower, not even close to being ready. Glad to see that nothing has changed in three years. After a few minutes of attitude, I had supplied him with his first drink to take the edge off. We ordered the food and tried to watch Mr. & Mrs. Smith. The copy my friend made for me did not want to play, so we just watched one of the Kathy Griffin specials on Bravo.

We went to bed, neither of us really sure of what was going to happen. No worries readers, this isn't about turn into smut (and more information than you ever wanted). Thankfully, Triple B came with his defensive walls in full force, all 18 emotional and physical walls. Trust me, it was a an accomplishment that we even cuddled on the couch and again in bed. Yet, at the same time, part of me is glad that it didn't spiral into an all out fuck-fest last night. We have been there, and if things keep going well, we will probably be there again. No need to rush things and try to force something.

All I know is that I had fun being with him last night and look forward to the next time we can get together. Will he and I get back together officially? No clue. But, no point in wasting my time thinking about that.

she's your cocaine

Yesterday was a first for me. I had to report to the DC District Court for jury duty. Actually, I almost completely forgot that I even had jury duty. Had it not been for the straight couple on Queer Eye meeting at jury duty, I would probably be writing this from the pokey! "Jail ain't nothing like that Tina!!"

So, it was an interesting experience to say the least. First of all, I had to get up WAY earlier than I ever get up for work. Not cute. I am definitely not a morning person, especially when you make me get up really early. I was awake at 6:30 yesterday. I can't tell you the last time I was waking up that early. However, I could probably tell you the last time I was going to bed that late. I stumbled my way through my morning routine, with one eye open, and was out the door by 7:20. I had to catch the 80 to Judiciary and I was not about to risk being late because of the games the bus plays.

I made it to the courthouse on time and got in line to check in. I then went to the jury waiting area and found a seat in the back, away from most other people. No, I was in no mood to make new friends. I slipped my head phones back on and fell asleep for at least fifteen minutes. Finally someone came in at 9:15 to show us this kick ass video from the 80s about how jury selection happens. I'm telling you, there were some FIERCE hair styles in the video. That was pretty much the only thing keeping my attention through the video.

After that, we were left to sit and wait again for the first jury pool to be announced. I started reading Annie Proulx's "Brokeback Mountain". Yes, this is the story that the movie is based on. I enjoyed the story and have a feeling that the movie is going to be phenomenal. If only because it will make it easier for me to visualize Jake Gyllenhaal in hot gay sex. Oh, Jakey G.

So after about 50+ people were called for the first jury grouping, I sat about another 30 minutes waiting for another group to be announced. I was one of the last people called for the second group. We were lined up outside of the courtroom and then sent in according to the order in which our number was announced. While waiting in line, we were given a questionnaire that the judge would go over with us inside. We took our seats in the gallery, and then the judge gave us instructions on what to do with the form. After that, white noise was turned on in the gallery while the judge and lawyers spoke with each potential juror about any possible conflicts they had with being a juror on the case.

Oh, I guess I should back up and explain the case. It was a criminal trial against a man accused of possession of and intent to distribute cocaine. Dude was arrested at 3rd and D St. NW. Best part of it all? Yeah, the court is just a short two blocks away. Brilliant. The defense counsel brought in his two witnesses, two teenage ghetto girls. They were clearly wearing their best over-sized hoop earrings and hoodies.

So, the individual interviews with the judge seemed to take forever. I had already started and finished "Brokeback Mountain" in the first jury waiting area. Thankfully, I had brought my book along with me too. I think I read about 100 pages of "The Rules of Attraction". I will definitely have that finished this weekend. (Quick sidebar: I have been reading like a crazed man lately. I think that I have finished six books in the last month alone. Jealous of my active social life??? You and I both.)

I finally got up and spoke with the judge and lawyers. I had not answered yes to any of the questions on the form, meaning I had no potential conflicts of interest. However, I was fully expecting to recognize the defendant from the corner of 1st and U St NW right down from my house. No such luck though. The District Attorney only wanted to know what I do for a living and the judge asked what neighborhood I live in. That was it. Then I sat there for another 30 minutes while they finished questioning the other potential jurors.

After every one was done, the judge turned off the white noise and then announced the first 14 people who would possibly serve for this trial. The lawyers then eliminated about six people before finally settling on their 14. Then the judge dismissed us all back to the main office to check in. I was completely starving at this point since it was already 12:15. When we got in line, I heard the most wonderful thing I'd heard that entire day. We were free to leave and did not need to return. Woo hoo!

So, what did I do with this free afternoon? Maybe take in some of the re-worked permanent exhibits at the National Gallery? Volunteer at a soup kitchen? Nope. I went home, at lunch and then took a four hour nap. This is what you get when you wake me up before 8 AM. It still beat the hell out of being at work though.

I don't wanna cry

First of all, ALEX IS GONE!!!! Never again will I come home from work and find him sitting in the apartment, high as a kite.

It has been a blast having Nick as a roommate. Until last night. when I got home from work, he was already there. I went straight to his room to say hi and see how he was doing. I knew he had a rough morning at work, so we immediately started talking. One hour and a hella serious conversation later, we are suddenly looking for a dog to adopt. I desperately want a dog down here. I have two 'babies' back home at my parents, but I want my own here in the city!!

We found a bunch of possible candidates, all of which I wanted to adopt immediately. This is where I am horrible because, inevitably, I will want to adopt each and every one I see. There were a couple with sob stories that brought a tear or two to our eyes. I finally had a reality check and said that we have to wait until after the holidays to get a dog. It would be unfair to get an animal, and then put it through two weekends of staying with someone else while we are traveling. I will have a dog of my own next year though.

By this time, I thought that I'd had more than enough emotional moments for one night. Oh no. Apparently it was only beginning. We watched an episode of Oprah from last season. Cut to the two of us frantically wiping tears from our cheeks. Then we decided to watch the season premier of Queer Eye: The Wedding Season. Cut back to us crying again. Roomie, I love you, but if we sit on that damn couch, crying, one more time we will officially be women.

Too bad there is no more furniture to assemble. I think that I might offer to change someone's car oil, just to butch up a little. Who am I kidding? Tonight I'll be sitting on the couch, watching every minute of Project Runway.